Knock Knock

K: Daddy?
Daddy: What?
K: Don't cry it's only a joke.
K: Knock knock
D: Who's there?
K: Orange
D: Orange who?
K: Banana
K: Knock knock
D: Who's there?
K: Apple
D: Apple who?
K: Don't cry it's only joke.

(Now repeat something similar for at least 15 minutes with maniacal preschool laughter after each round, and you have an idea of our evening...)

Dates

(After having television taken away for the night for misbehaving..)

B: We need to watch the Wiggles to see what day it is today.
Me: Or we could just check the calendar...

TMI

K to the Pizza Guy: "I'm wearing UNDERWEAR today!"

Without an ounce of humility

B to K: You're the best brother in the whole world.
K: Yep. I am.

The Borrowers

B: I don't want to watch this, because people are stealing, and I don't want you to get any ideas, because stealing is bad, so you shouldn't watch this.

Monkey

K to B: I want to pinch your ears and make you look like a monkey.

B to K: No. Not while I'm playing this game.

K to B: You want to pinch my ears?

B to K: I'll pinch one.

Behavior

B to K: Mommy was trying to do something really nice for us, but you just ruined it and now it needs to go in the trash. Those are not real baseballs, and they aren't toys.

K to B: I know! Mommy already told me.

(I think it's safe to assume he just didn't care....)

Me: K why did you dump the popcorn out? And why are you wearing a bowl on your head?

K: Because this is my favorite hat.

Rocket

B: This dinner is rocket good!

(Also: I love you rocket!)

Tag Team

K: Kids can't play basketball.
B: Kids can play KIDS basketball, cause it's fun for kids.
K: On a football field.

Insults...

K: (to me)You... you... you GIRL!!!

XBox

B: Hey look dad, I can play the Xbox with my penis!

American Idol

Me: The couch, bed, stairs, toilet, counter, washing machine, dryer, and/or table are NOT to be used as a trampoline.

B: (A few days later, while seeing two contestants on AI jumping on a trampoline made to look like a bed)... Wow mom! Can we get a trampoline that looks like a bed and *pretend* we're jumping on the bed!?!?

Toy Story

Me: (hearing thumps while downstairs doing laundry...) I sure hope you two aren't jumping off furniture!
B: We're not! We're falling... with style!